The Art of Letting Go

My mother is having surgery today. I slept a very little last night – tossing and turning. It’s the first time I’ve had a bad dream since the unfortunate snake dream about two months ago *shudders*. The operation will only be three hours long and although if it were anyone else, anyone else in this world I’d be fine and assured in the fact that the surgeon is experienced and it is unlikely that anything will go wrong, I can’t shake the fear and worry that’s dropped like stone in the pit of my stomach.

This is my mother after all – my rock, my life. I’ve said several times to persons (who probably think I’m being dramatic) that the surgeon shall have my life in his hands as surely as he would if I were lying on that operating table myself. Of course there’s a lot of me that wishes it were me instead of her. Weird logic? Not really. I think anyone who has loved anyone as unconditionally as I love my mum can completely relate to this.

The fact remains though, as one friend pointed out to me, there’s nothing I can do at this venture. I’ve last spoken to her about ten minutes ago and they are prepping her for surgery. This is going to happen whether I feel ready or not. Everything is out of my hands. At some point in time, well at this moment sooner rather than later, I need to let go of the fear and anxiety and fill myself instead with hope and faith. If only there were a University course in that.

Wish me luck. Keep my mum in your thoughts.




Photo Credit: Public Domain Pictures

4 thoughts on “The Art of Letting Go

  1. Hi Rilzy – I hope everything went well with your mum. You’re so lovely for caring so much about her, she’s a very lucky woman!
    My daughter had an op yesterday (gallstones) and she’s now recovering well. I totally understand your fears. A lot of things went through my mind when my daughter was in surgery (like how many ways I could kill the doctor if something went wrong!) Sounds terrible, but this is what happens when you love someone so much 🙂

    1. I’m really happy to know that your daughter’s recovering well. Say hi for me. My mum’s now okay… I’ve just received some text messages from her. Was a bit worried when we left last night as she was still hadn’t come to properly but a tropical storm was to hit and the hospital kicked us out. I’m quite the happy camper now though as she’s texted me and indicated that she’s “woozy, in pain but fine”.

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