Day 11 … My World Burns Around Me – I Dance In The Flames

“sometimes life can be unpredictable. it throws you unexpected curve balls. sometimes they hurt, sometimes they are disappointing – but then, there are times when they are sweet; times when they are magickal… and these are the times worth living for.”

             Rilzy – April, 2011 (during an uncharacteristic period of wisdom 😉 )

 

I stumbled across this a couple minutes ago after signing into my Tumblr account after heaven knows how long.

It is amazing how there are times you stumble across something that becomes an unexpected elixir. I needed to stumble across this quote today like I need the two cups of coffee I’m about to have. In case you were wondering, that’s pretty damn much!

My week has had so many highs and lows it is a wonder that I am not sporting a full neck brace from whiplash.

Remember how I’ve determined to take the advice from that Crest commercial and be open to new experiences because ‘Life Opens Up When You Do‘? Well I tried out for a mooting team at my school. Just getting me to the first round happened to be a task… two of my friends literally had to strong arm me into not giving up even before I started. You see, I have this crippling fear of failure and I decided a while ago that the best way to deal with it was to never try at all. You can see where my misguided logic makes some sense right? If you never try, then you can’t fail. I’ve spent so many years thinking like this that I failed to realize that if you don’t try you also never gain. To make what could be an entire blog post short – I made the team. It took three rounds – three times of me having to tell myself… just do it, don’t back down, do not quit. I was almost delirious with being proud of myself.

There were also the lows. Monday would have been my Uncle’s birthday and my family had to spend that day wishing desperately that he was still here.

I’ve also learned that at 22 I’m apparently not too old for crushes. And it still hurt and is just as disappointing when the guy in question isn’t interested as it was when I was 15. So much for things getting better with age right? But I am thinking my bouncing back capabilities must be a lot stronger now. 😉

Then of course there were the down right crazy moments (read: NaNoWriMo)!

I did it guys. I went ahead and dived into Lake Chaos and I’m stuck with the consequences. I’m currently working on the new plot (it’s a Contemporary Romance) and I get that heady, excited, ‘can’t wait to steal a few minutes alone with you’, ‘think of you all day’, ‘dream of you all night’ feeling that can only ever describe the beginning stages of a new relationship novel :). It’s an intoxicating feeling and the novel has been going excellently … when I find time to write. And, this, has turned out to be a task of mammoth proportions. Case in point – in order to write this blog I’m precariously position over my laptop with a bowl of University student food (read: Ramen). I’ve not even signed into the NaNoWriMo website since Wednesday. I think we’ve got a situation. I’m not sure I’m going to finish 50 000 words by the end of November.

Weirdly, I don’t feel as completely torn as I thought I would. You see, I’ve learned two very important lessons thus far. Firstly, it is important to just let go and let life guide you and I can easily write 5000 – 6000 words per day if my Muse cooperates. I’d previously thought that the 6000 mark was something I could do only if I really pushed myself but now I know better. It makes proud. Also, I’ve met a really lovely friend during this process and I think that even if I never complete the 50 000 words that in itself made this all worth it. If you are reading right now! You are ahmazing!!! 🙂

My mind is screaming at me that I need to close off this blog and get out the door. I’m late for my date with the library. I’ve packed a bottle of coffee and a bottle of green tea. I’m going to need the caffeine boost as I’m determined to finish my to-do-list for today and write at least 200 words. It might not be enough to push me over the threshold but I am determined to write every day for this month!

I’ve learned this week that even when we don’t see the magick in life it is there lurking under the murky surface. And, that is why life is such a beautifully sweet thing!

 

Sometimes you got to dance until the music starts.
Photo Credit: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net
Photographer Credit: photostock

Tschuss.

Rilzy

 

 

 

 

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One thought on “Day 11 … My World Burns Around Me – I Dance In The Flames

  1. Sounds like you’ve had an amazing week, Rilzy. I’m so sorry about your uncle – what an awful thing.to happen and then there is a birthday and Christmas – sending you big hugs and strength 😉

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