I’ve developed a small (read: large) obsession of writing down every spark I have. It doesn’t matter if it is a word, phrase, image or an entire scene. I try my best to hold on to it until I can write it down or record it. This is a great habit and I should be thankful that I’ve got into it. Yet, it isn’t lost on me that I do this out of stark, raving panic.
I’ve battled with many forms of insecurities when I think of becoming a published author. I’ve fought against the usual:
- Do I write well enough?
- Why would anyone want to read what I write?
- Are my stories interesting enough… believable enough … enough, enough?
- Am I meant to write Urban Fantasy or Romance?
- Will I ever find an agent?
- Will a publishing house ever accept me?
- Do I have the guts to self publish?
- Do I have the time to self publish?
- Do I have the money to self publish?
Now, I’ve found a new interesting one to add to the list. I’d lie if I say I’ve never felt this form of fear before. But for the first in a long time it is dead, front in my mind demanding that I pay attention to it. What if I run out of stories to tell?!?!!!! Where do plots even come from? And suppose they stop coming from that place… where ever it is? When I think of R.L Stein and the 450+ books he has published I can’t help but feel my panic intensify. 450+!!!!! My Muse and I can’t have the potential for that many plots can we? It is enough to make me want to pack up my iPad and call it a day. The last thing I’d want to do is finally, finally break into the publishing world (whether self publishing or traditional publishing) and I can’t dream up plots for follow up books.
But it’s taken me fifteen years to acknowledge the fact that to give up my writing would be to give up a large piece of who I am. So, as I’m sure people would do in the case of an impending drought, I’m stock-piling plot idea and sparks as if they were water. And, I’m trying to remind myself and my panicked Muse of the reason I fell in love with writing … sometimes plotting is as easy as dreaming.