I once joked to a friend that I’m perma-single because I’ve invested all of my emotions in my writing.
No offense future Mr. Right 😉 but I think the longest, most complex and most intimate relationship I will ever have will be with my writing. No offense to my best friends but I think the longest, most complex and most frustrating friendship I will ever have will be with my Muse.
I fall in love at least three times per day with several of his aspects: characters, plots, and settings. Then, I fall out of love just as quickly. We have the turbulent passion that makes everything burn hotter, shine brighter and touch more deeply.
We have scheduled date days and date nights … sometimes date afternoons where nothing can penetrate the cocoon we’ve created with each other. I’ve taken him along to coffee shops and sushi restaurants and I’m thoroughly faithful except for the days when I have short, secret sessions with his younger brother: Reading. But that is only because Reading offers me the carefree existence that I cannot have with Writing. He gives me enjoyment for those few hours but takes nothing from me. Writing, well, he’s a demanding lover… he wants nothing less than my soul.
Often times, mostly when I should be doing something else, I day dream about the things I would do to Writing if I could dare focus on him at that very moment.
He is most persistent for my attention when I’ve got to go do lawyer-like things. Law and Writing share me uneasily. Though, I must admit that Writing seems more put off by it than Law could ever be. I find his possessiveness endearing.
It’s not always smooth sailing with Writing, unfortunately. There are times I want to leave him. There are times I think he wants to leave me. And, when I sit at our special spot (in front of my laptop) and he refuses to visit me, sit with me, share with me … love with me, I’m convinced that I should leave him. But I can’t. He is as necessary to me as the next breath I take.
I want to take our relationship to another level. I want to show him off to the world in ways I haven’t showed him off before. On nights like tonight, as I stare out at the empty streets outside my window, I can’t help but worry that he isn’t good enough. I can’t help but worry that no one will see his beauty the way I do. I can’t help but worry that his charm will not be enough to captivate other souls the way he has mine.
On nights like tonight I need to remind myself that I just love him. Not for anyone else but for me. So we will continue to meet in cafes, parks, libraries and restaurants. He no longer has to request my soul… I give it freely.