… by at least one person.
That counts for something right?
I spend so much time in my own head I can sometimes lose touch with people I treasure having in my life so I decided to rectify this today (it is probably not a coincidence that it was as I tried to study). I messaged a friend from law school (she also runs an amazingly fun blog ‘Just Hitched Now What’ which I demand you read now (just kidding, I’m asking nicely). While talking she said to me she missed my stories and the way I blushed and preened you’d think I’d been asked out by Idris Elba or someone equally lust worthy (mostly Ryan Gosling :D)
I was aware I’ve not posted in a while (especially as I still keep up with posts in my Reader) but it was shocking to pull up the blog and realize I haven’t posted in over a month. This is something I promised myself I would never let happen because the only way to get good at anything in life is consistency. However, I realize that I’ve done this too many times already. I always manage to be overwhelmed by life and my writing gets ignored. Now, everyone who reads this blog knows about my epic love affair with writing – so if every time the road gets rough I toss him to the side something is definitely wrong in our relationship. This time I’m pretty sure the thing is me.
I could tell you that my LLM has been stressful (because it has been and with exams coming up it will get worse), I could tell you that I’ve been short on time (because I’ve mostly been) or I could tell you that I have been concentrating on my spoken word (which I have) but that would not be the whole truth. Every time I’ve picked up my iPad, a pen or sat in front of a computer for the past couple weeks I’ve been crippled by such forceful doubt in my writing that I’ve just not been able to do it. It somehow became easier to just not do it than face the feelings. I wish I could say it has something to do with the fact that I’ve received my first rejection (unless we count that random time I was twelve and sent poetry to Random House before even knowing what querying was!) but I cannot. I don’t think that that’s the root of my current problem although I can’t deny that it was disappointing but, admittedly, a very necessary step. I’ve been caught up for such long time in wanting my writing to be perfect (although I know it can never be) that I’ve fallen back into the same trap. I’ve fallen down the same hole I have several times before even though I know that there’s no Wonderland at bottom.
I made a promise years ago that no matter how hectic my life got or how tough it was to write, I would never give it up. I started this blog to keep me accountable. So, thank you Lecia for reminding me with five simple words what this is to be all about. If one person is reading something I’ve written and enjoying it then I’m doing my job. Even if that one person is me. However, I must admit that it really does feel a lot better when it is another human being (who is not my mother).
This post is a recommitment to posting something here at least twice per week. We can call it a renewal of vows between me and my love.
Wish me luck.