I’ve set a deadline to go ahead with what I said I was going to do back in December. Publish. Self Publishing is something I gave lots of thought to when I considered that for the time being I do want to do law with as few limitations as possible. Working on someone else’s timetable and struggling to meet someone else’s deadlines will never be ideal. If you are interested in all the arguments I had with myself when coming to this conclusion, you can read the blog post.
Although I place lots of short stories and that one novel on the blog, these have never been the writings aimed at publication. I’ve generally been quiet about them, although, having gone through my stash (I make it sound like drugs), I realized I have a few options to test out the self-publishing waters. I’ve decided to go with a contemporary romance novella called (for the time being at least), The Problem with the Perfect Plan. It’s been sitting in a drawer for a couple months now and I’m having quite a bit of fun doing my third edit. This is one of the reasons for my being very quiet as of recent days (yes, I do take any excuses I can get 🙂 )
The lines have been drawn in the sand. I aim to have this novella up and available before December.
Very predictably as soon as I made that promise to myself, I started questioning everything. I started questioning my plot. I’ve started questioning the fact that my novella is not set in the Caribbean per se when there seems to be this expectation that as I am from the Caribbean every book I write must explore Caribbean themes. I’ve definitely worked on novels with Caribbean themes but it isn’t this one. For some reason, even as I type that I must swallow the urge to apologize. I’ve started questioning each sex scene. Hell, I’ve started squirming when editing the sex scenes imagining my parents reading them. I get the feeling that in a couple hours I might start questioning my decision to write in the first place :).
For the first time however, I welcome these feelings… it means that this means a lot to me and that’s why I should be doing it. I’ve been waiting for perfection. I’ve been waiting to write the perfect story in the perfect way at the perfect time in all of its perfect glory. I’m calling my own bullshit. If that is my standard, I will be writing blogs in the next fifty years about my dreams to publish. So, here I am, sipping on chai tea being determined to turn all this nervous energy into single minded focus. My mind still insists on asking the one pesky question that has held be back all these years, “What if I fail?”
Well guys, I think I’ve finally started growing up. For the first time I’ve got an answer to that. I will regroup and try again. That, however, isn’t where my new founded maturity has come in. I now know that that has always been the wrong question. I shouldn’t be focused on whether or not I will fail. I should be focused on finding what it takes to succeed. So here I go… one step forward, tea in hand… time to put some actions to my words. I’m jumping off that cliff. Time to see if I will fly.