Today makes four months since I’ve posted to this blog. This is the exact opposite of what I hoped to achieve when I did my blogging schedule in February. I sort of fell into work, working on the novel which is now due out in October (after a fifth date push back) but mostly I fell into weariness. The kind of bone deep, soul crushing weariness that makes me wonder why I’m doing this in the first place. I could spend paragraphs on top of paragraphs trying to capture how I’ve been feeling but I won’t. You see, I’ve done that many, many times before on this blog, to my friends, in angry cursive strokes in my diary and to my bathroom mirror but one thing remains the same… it changes nothing. You see if you’re feet don’t get tired when you are chasing your dreams, it is likely that you aren’t chasing them hard enough.
I didn’t wake up today saying, “Hell, it’s been four months maybe I should post on my blog.” The decision was impulsive. This weekend is Carnival weekend in Antigua. Whilst a lot of persons are partying their souls out during the masquerade parade through the streets of our city I’ve gone on to my third sequestered day. I’ve not been out of the house since the early hours of Saturday morning. This was meant to be a writing weekend but I found that I was too tired to do it… too drained to try. I allowed myself that and instead chose to binge on Youtube and ice-cream.
When my automated Youtube playlist spluttered out Sam Smith’s ‘I’m Not the Only One’ I thought, “This would make a good short story.” Then I remembered I’d done one already. So I came meandering to my blog hoping to find it and share it on my equally inactive Facebook page. There in my own words I found the inspiration I needed to dive back into it. I remembered why I’ve been running to begin with. My feet are tired, yes. But I’m not done chasing yet.